Chapter 70.2: Cars of the Future

The other day, two different press announcements crossed my desk touting the importance (and novelty) of environmentally friendly cars and fuel. Now, I'm quite pleased with the 35 miles per gallon I get from an old Honda that's closing in on 200,000 miles, but I wouldn't mind driving a car that looks like what you see above. The "Wingless Bird" is called the Aptera -- Greek for "wingless flight" -- and it's not yet in full production. But it is a hybrid that is claiming 300 mpg. Of course, that comes with a caveat: the all-electric version only goes 120 miles per charge (think northern New Jersey to central Connecticut), or 600 miles in the plug-in hybrid (the one that gets upwards of 300 mpg). Doing the incredibly simple math, that means it holds two gallons of gas. I can hold more than that in my little red plastic jug for the lawnmower.

If this vehicle becomes a reality, it could do wonders for transportation. Think of it, you have a full tank and a plastic jug in the passenger compartment and you can go 1,200 miles or so. I suspect you won't go any faster than 45-55 miles per hour, but if you've got the tunes cranking, that'll be enough, right? And girls will look at you (as they pass) and say, "Damn, that guy's car looks cool."

The other option is to drive from Paris to Timbuktu using chocolate as fuel. Sounds like a fantasy. Well, yeah, in a way it is. These Brits aren't dropping nuggets of Cadbury into the tank. They're using biofuels that began life as waste chocolate that was converted to cocoa butter.

Their trip is basically a publicity event, and if I were from Timbuktu, I'd be a little offended. They chose the destination because "Timbuktu is renowned as being the back of beyond, the furthest place away that you can possibly imagine and if we can make it there with bio-fuel there's no reason why motorists can't use it on the school run or on their commute to work," said Andy Pag, one of the Euro-tree-huggers behind the wheel.

While a three-week trip through the Sahara sounds like a good way to promote a solar-powered car, Pag and his pal John Grimshaw will drive a chocolate-powered truck ("lorry" for my British and Irish friends) to promote Ecotec, which I've never heard of before this article.

All in all, I'd say there's a bright future for publicity of environmentally friendly cars. I'm all for it. As long as you can keep the prices at a reasonable level and make fuel accessible, I'll drive anything earth friendly.

Chapter 70.3: What I Really Want to Do Is Direct

This is my first attempt at posting a video on my blog. I don't know if there are size limitations. (I'm already assuming there's limited interest.) But this is one of the early interactions between our puma, Riley, and his new little sister, Oreo. There's no audio to this, so don't worry if you don't hear anything.

Anyway, aside from wanting to experiment with video, this post is to show our cats for the children they are.

As always, comments are always welcome. Especially you, Cammy.

Oh, it's a large file because I don't know yet how to compress video from a camera.


Ok, this was a failure. Some other time.

Chapter 70.15: Food for Thought

The Winter Meetings are upon us, and Omar has begun with an incomprehensible move. Lastings Milledge to the Nationals for Ryan Church and Brian Schneider. I don't mind the departure of Milledge, but wasn't Billy Beane supposedly interested in him? Does this mean that Beane's holding onto Dan Haren and Joe Blanton?

Last I heard of Ryan Church, he was Frank Robinson's whipping boy. And while Schneider's a good catcher, I'm not sure he's going to stay long; with Johnny Estrada and the re-signed Ramon Castro already in the fray, I can't help but think that one of the two newcomers is about to be shuffled off. I'd keep Schneider, unless he can bring back a starting pitcher.

God, this off-season is almost as frustrating as last September was!

Chapter 70.1: Turkey Time!

Ah, Thanksgiving! One of those uniquely American holidays that we should all be thankful for. Not only does it allow most of us to enjoy a four-day weekend, it also focuses on two of my favorite things: family and food. (I'd add football too, because it sounds good with the other "f" sounds, but I'm really a baseball guy.)

This year, my wife and I have gotten a break. For the first time in a few years, we've not volunteered to host Thanksgiving. I'm really glad, too, because work for me was very busy, and with the new kitten, Oreo, we've had a lot more tasks taking up our time than usual.

But enough about me. It's time for us all to go over the river and through the woods to the in-laws' house. Watch some football, drink some beer, eat lots of food, and laugh into the night. Have a happy Thanksgiving, everyone! And if you're waking up early to partake in the various Black Friday sales, drive carefully. There are other nutjobs on the road too. Man, what's the deal with all the 4 a.m. store openings this year? That's a different topic...

Chapter 70: Don't Squeeze the Charmin When You Wipe Your Tears

Mr. Whipple has died. Dick Wilson, who played the supermarket manager in hundreds of commercials (more than 500, according to this article in the Washington Post), passed away on what happened to be National Toilet Day.

Personally, I have amassed an astonishing amount of worthless information in my tiny brain about all manner of trivial matters; yet, even I had no idea there was a National Toilet Day until last week. (Before Mr. Whipple died, mind you. It happens to be a family member's birthday, which became a source of amusement for me and that person's spouse. Tee hee hee!) Whether I'll continue to celebrate the day in which we remember that only 20 percent of the world have access to "improved sanitation," is anyone's guess.

But I enjoyed the Post article, because it was willing to ponder things I'd not seen in print before. I've only talked about these things with my wife and random friends and drinking buddies in bars. Things like: Why do people in commercials wipe toilet paper across their face? How bad was toilet paper in the '60s? Do bears who shit in the woods need soft "bathroom tissue"? And is the aloe in multi-ply toilet paper good for the pipes?

Alas, now poor Mr. Whipple has flushed off his mortal coil. Say hello to the Ty-D-Bowl man, for us.

Chapter 69.95: The Cat Trial of the Century

As the owner now of two cats, I can't help but respond to this recent article that appeared in the New York Times. Apparently, a bird watcher shot a cat with a .22 calibre rifle because he believed it was killing the birds. He doesn't deny that he shot the cat. The point of contention in the suit is whether the cat was feral.

I don't know how the law treats questions of feralness (ferality?), but this sounds like a clear case of animal cruelty to me. We took in a stray kitten just this week, gave it a name the other night, and are slowly introducing it to our other cat -- who probably wishes he had a .22 in the closet right now that he could use on the small quadriped that's taking some attention away from him -- and I'd say this cat is no longer feral. She's quite comfortable living here, accepting our pets and attention in return for lots of purrs, soft mews, and an inordinate amount of methane gas. (Surely those field mice and moles have worked through you system by now, Oreo. What on earth is wrong with your intestines?!)

Beyond that, how can a man who loves animals shoot and kill a cat? Is he not human?

Humans care for those who are less fortunate than themslves, like Texas toll collector John Newland, who named Mama Cat. The cat lived under a toll bridge but gladly accepted food and toys and bedding from Mr. Newland. I won't get into the vitriolic debate between bird bloggers and cat bloggers, who are writing hateful posts about the other, but I'll say this: a man who would kill a defenseless animal (I don't think the claws and teeth were any threat to the admitted cat killer) is no better than a thief. He deserves punishment.

I don't think it's as heinous a crime as rape or murder of a person, but it's despicable and cannot be condoned. The two years and $10,000 he faces seem appropriate to me.

Chapter 69.93: If I Only Had a Name

The little girl has been christened with a name. Meet Oreo. Her mom wouldn't allow any clothing-related names that dad suggested, such as Tuxedo, Mukluk, or Bowtie. (All right, I actually didn't suggest Bowtie -- even I think that's a dumb name for a cat.) Since little Oreo has been confined to my wife's home office for the past few days, I suggested we name her after the cat from The Office. However, I couldn't picture either of us calling this cat Sprinkles, and that cat's life ends badly. No one needs to be saddled with that kind of ominous name. And Fart Monster wasn't kind either, though incredibly appropriate so far.

And mom wasn't keen on Orca, either. But Oreo's coloring, which inspired the Orca appellation, led to her eventual name.

Oreo also has a job. Like most kids these days, she's comfortable with technology and has already become quite familiar with the keyboard, the CD-ROMs, and of course the mouse. So Oreo has become the IT Specialist -- as seen above. Note: the photo a couple posts ago of a kitten with a toy computer is not actually our little Oreo but an incredible facsimile. That post was created before this little bundle of shaky nerves (she likes coffee, too) entered our yard and our lives.

Chapter 69.9: New Arrival

We've been blessed with a challenge. An abandoned kitten discovered our home the other day, and -- despite our established cat's initial objections -- we've brought this little girl into our family. She's going to be a handful, I'm sure, but she's starving for attention and love.

Her big brother will be getting lots of love and attention too, as he's got to know he's still #1. But in time we hope he'll be a good older brother. We expect he'll let us know pretty soon whether he can handle the change, and it will have to be on his terms.

Chapter 69.8: A Mathematician's Proposal

In my daily search for new and interesting news, I recently came across an interesting post on the site of the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching. It was written by a mathematician who was expanding on remarks Paul Krugman made in his blog about economics.

Krugman wrote, "I'll be using this space to present the kind of information I can't provide on the printed page -- especially charts and tables, which are crucial to the way I think about most of the issues I write about." Krugman then introduces a graph that presents a picture of income distribution in the country by displaying the share of total income earned by the richest 10 percent of Americans.

The mathematician, Michael C. Burke, then goes into an interesting discussion about Krugman's observations on the seemingly idyllic period of the 1950s -- the time during which "Middle Class America" became the symbol that it was for much of the '70s and '80s and into the '90s. America's golden period of equality. Krugman had supplied a chart of income distribution, which showed a relative flat period in which income was more equitably shared. In case anyone was unclear, such equality no longer exists in America. Since the 1980s -- the late '80s especially (and I suspect that has a lot to do with the tax reform act of 1986, though I'm no economist) -- the United States has seen its share of income diverge quickly. To show that this isn't simply about which party is in power, the Democrats were in power in Congress during the late '80s and the Republicans had their Newt Revolution in the mid '90s, when Krugman's "Great Divergence" occured; moreover, Reagan and Clinton were the presidents at those respective times.

But Burke has a broader comment to make. He calls for teachers -- especially college professors -- to redesign their curricula.

[M]y larger point here is that the content of our thoughts and the depth of our understanding are dependent on the tools we bring to the task. What we think is intertwined with how we think. And the ability to think in terms of quantitative data, in terms of tables and graphs, is indispensable for understanding our modern world. This should be part of what we teach all our students -- not just students in selected courses or selected majors.

With that aim in mind, I would propose that we begin by redesigning our freshman and sophomore writing programs in order to place a significant emphasis on working with quantitative data, and on the visual representation of that data. We write, after all, to figure out what we think. And we ask our students to write so that they will learn how to think.

This is not the first time I've heard this argument, but I think Burke proposes it well. I don't work as a professor, though I was trained as a teacher, and I've toyed with the idea of tutoring math and English on the side -- perhaps as soon as next fall. Burke is right, in my opinion, but I'm not sure whether his direction is the right one; I think he's right that we need to inform our youth better about how to think and how to recognize absurdities in mathematical "answers." But I think it goes beyond teaching freshman.

I heartily recommend that everyone read John Allen Paulos's book Innumeracy. He cleverly points out how badly most Americans -- not simply students -- handle simple math problems. Percentages, probabilities. He helps readers recognize the flaws in their reasoning. If we can teach a couple generations of Americans how to reason, boy that would help improve our state in the world.

Chapter 69.7: Random Q&A on a Sunny, New York Morning

Q: Why do commuter trains scheduled to arrive at a certain time sometimes arrive several minutes later?
A: A variety of reasons, most of which are beyond the control of the train's engineer or conductor. Sit back and enjoy the ride. Read a book. Do a puzzle. Catch up on sleep.

Q: Why is it cold in early November when the sun is shining so brightly and the sky is blue?
A: It has to do with direct sunlight and the angle of the planet. The earth is actually closer to the sun during the winter -- at least in the Northern hemisphere. But the sun's rays strike a more glancing blow across the Northern hemisphere at that time. Seasons change. Talk to the moon.

Q: Why did Mets third baseman David Wright win the Gold Glove award?
A: Because it's a popularity contest, like most things in life. He works hard, plays hard, everyone likes him, and he deserves to be liked. In a few years when he has the inevitable bad year or one of his parents gets sick or, God forbid, dies, and he lashes out at the fanbase that doesn't seem to understand why he can't hit .315 and hit 30 homers every year, then he'll look back and question why he plays a kids game. Then it'll come back to him, and he'll rebound with an MVP-caliber season. Because he's a damn good ball player, that's why.

Q: Why do bad things happen to good people?
A: Because Einstein was wrong, and God does play with dice. In fact, the Almighty has a bit of a problem, but he refuses to go into a 12-step program because he doesn't believe in a higher power. Who are we to tell God he's wrong?

Q: Why is oatmeal bland?
A: It's a twist on the previous two questions. Good things happen to people, but they're not necessarily exciting. And working hard isn't always its own reward, sometimes you need a lower cholesterol count too. Think of oatmeal as your quest to win the Gold Glove award. Most players don't think of it that way, but then strikeouts are on the rise too. Go figure.

Q: Are there aliens?
A: Of course. They stream in over the border every day. I've met legal aliens, and they work hard and care about their families, and I'm generally happy to know them.

Q: No, I mean space aliens?
A: We've sent about two dozen people to another planet. Some did a fly-by, twelve walked there; they all returned. These days we keep our space aliens in near-earth orbit.

Q: Seriously, I mean beings from another planet?
A: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

Q: Why won't you answer my questions?
A: I've answered everything you ask. You simply don't like all my answers. Next time, don't vote for me. The personal accolades are nice, but I'm just happy to help out the team.

Chapter 69.6: This is Fun!

Before I go too far, I was looking for an image to depict juvenile aliens, and when I found the one I finally selected I couldn't help but laugh. Every once in a while, the world needs a little PG-13 in an otherwise family site.

Anyway, back to my point: While I'm nowhere near the pace I need to reach my goal of 50,000 words, I'm enjoying the story I've created for my NaNo WriMo entry. It's a quasi-science fiction work. I won't go into too much detail here, but I'm writing about alien abductions (no, I've never experienced one, thank God) and college. And it's chock full of goofy stuff and oddball characters, which is as I like it. I generally write serious stuff in which some characters might have a good sense of humor, but I've been reading a lot of Christopher Moore the past year or so, and I'm really enjoying the funny, irreverent way he can tell a story. This is my homage to Christopher Moore.

Hopefully, some of my fellow writers will visit. Stop for a moment and sip a cupa coffee. Talk some trash, or spin a yarn, or cast aspersions. I won't judge.