Chapter 91.3: The 2012 Season

As a Mets fan, it's hard to be excited about this year. If my team surprises people, we might -- emphasize might -- do well enough to compete for that new wildcard slot as a third-place team. But I seriously doubt we'll come anywhere near third place.

To make matters worse, the Phillies still look strong, though I have some questions about whether we're starting to see the downside of Roy 'Doc' Halladay's Hall of Fame-bound career. He's still strong, as are the Phillies, but it's possible that Doc'll struggle to reach 19-20 wins. Of course, when Cliff Lee is your second-best pitcher and Cole Hamels is in a walk-year, your team's management shouldn't worry about too much about its pitching staff. However, the Nationals have quite an exciting team and could push their way into wildcard contention. While the Braves are strong and the Marlins are much improved, I think both teams will have some struggles to overcome -- especially in Miami, where I expect Hanley Ramirez to chafe under the thumb of Ozzie Guillen until he gets to return to SS, after Jose Reyes's hamstrings explode again.

So what's a Mets fan to do? Well, I think the New York area will have quite a season, seeing as how the other team in town -- the one with a bunch of MLB hardware and records stored in its museum -- will be hard to beat. I think the question marks in the Red Sox rotation, coupled with the strength of the Tampa Bay Rays, will make that additional wildcard an interesting race to watch. Even the Blue Jays could compete. So a Mets fan can root against the Yankees. I know I will.

But no matter what people around here might say, there's more to major league baseball than what happens in New York and in the Eastern Divisions.

Out in the mid-west, some excellent baseball should be brewing (though not in Brewers town, where someone left the door open). I think the Cardinals have a bunch of question marks about their pitching staff, but the division will likely come down to them or the Reds, who have some of the best young hitters around. In the American League, the Tigers remain the class of the division, both in terms of pitching and now moreso in terms of hitting, but I'm looking to see if the Royals can surprise people -- especially with Eric Hosmer establishing himself as the latest superstar to get his start in KC. The Indians might also surprise people, but I fear the White Sox and Twins are on the downswing.

In the AL West, the Angels are the team to beat, despite the Rangers being the two-time defending AL champs. With Albert Pujols and CJ Wilson, the Angels have strengthened both their offense and their pitching staff. While I expect the Mariners to be better than they were in 2011, I don't think they'll be sniffing post-season play. And are the A's still in Oakland?

The NL West ought to be very exciting. The Giants still have the best pitching staff west of the Mississippi, but Clayton Kershaw is the reigning Cy Young Award winner. With potential MVP Matt Kemp in the lineup and stability in the owners' office for the first time in years, perhaps the Dodgers can redefine what Dodger Blue means. Not that the Diamondbacks will let that happen easily. And even though it's hard to take a team that has a 49-year-old in its starting rotation seriously, the Rockies have a lot of talent and know-how. Yes, it's been five years since their magical 2007 run, but this team has been through a lot and still has much of what it needs to make their presence known.

As a baseball fan, it's a good year to live out West.

My predictions:
AL East: Yankees
AL Central: Tigers
AL West: Angels
wildcards: Rays vs. Rangers

NL East: Phillies
NL Central: Reds
NL West: Giants
wildcards: Diamondbacks vs. Cardinals

Chapter 91: Gary Carter, Safe at Home

Growing up, baseball was an enormous part of my life, and my favorite team was the New York Mets. Some people wore their team colors, but everyone understood where my loyalty was just by talking with me for a little while. I tended to speak about baseball all the time. Every tale of summertime had a pickup game in it. When my friends and I could think of nothing else to do, there was always a ball to toss around. And if it was raining, well, we had baseball cards.

I started really collecting during the summer of 1978. Most remember that as the season when the Yankees came back to meet and defeat the Red Sox. I remember enjoying Craig Swan mowing down the opposition and winning the ERA title. As a Mets fan, we had few things to root for. Ed Kranepool's pinch hits. Lee Mazilli and John Stearns sparking a rally. A visit from the Reds and Tom Seaver to remind us how things used to be.

But things changed in the 1980s. First, in 1980, there was a brief moment during the summer when the team reached .500, which is basically mediocrity. But for a kid like me, it meant things were looking up. We might break even this year. Then next year, if we win just a few more games, we could be in the playoff hunt. I wasn't interested in girls yet. Baseball was my true love.

I remember being thrilled when Keith Hernandez was traded to the Mets in 1983. He had been a champion with the St. Louis Cardinals in 1982 and a Most Valuable Player in 1979. This guy was a star. After the solid 1984 season, when Davey Johnson led the team to a surprising second-place finish, the Mets acquired Gary Carter. Now we had a superstar. Carter was the best catcher in the game. Sure, he was entering the second half of his career, but he was still solid. And the Expos were a strong club in those days. He had been part of a winning organization.

Much has been said about the Mets teams of the mid '80s, and little of it kind. They were brash. Loud. Cocky. And they won.

Carter was the class. He was the stability. He was what a catcher had to be: strong, confident, encouraging, dependable. He played the way I always hoped to play.

When I learned yesterday that the Kid had died, I was sad. To be honest, I expected it would happen soon. I'd read the stories about his brain cancer and how his most recent treatments had failed. I knew his mother had died from leukemia when he was a boy. And from what I'd read, he knew it wouldn't be long, too. He was a God-fearing man and was ready to head home. After all, he was a catcher. And home is where we belong.

Chapter 90.5: Turning on the Hot Stove

Ok, I have about three minutes to squeeze in a blog post (which is often the case, and a big reason why there are few posts here lately.) Anyway, I was just chatting with a work friend, who like me is a baseball fanatic.

He asked where I thought Luis Pujols would end up. I told him I expected that he'd remain in St. Louis, but I could also see him heading out to Anaheim, despite their young first baseman Mark Trumbo. "What St. Louis needs to ask itself," I said, "is whether signing a 31-year-old Pujols, who may be on the downward side of his career, or Jose Reyes, who is 28 but prone to injury." I don't think they have the capacity to sign both to the contracts they will command on the open market. Basically, do you sign a top-notch shortstop, a position very hard to fill with quality, or a Hall of Fame first baseman, a position that is easier to fill.

My friend talked about how Pujols might be willing to offer a "home-town discount." Of course, for a guy who's already earning upward of $20 million a year, a hometown discount is still more than $20 million a year! And I don't think Reyes could command that.

For the record, I don't think my Mets will resign Reyes. I also don't know that he's definitely staying in the National League. But his market will not be as large as some people seem to think. The teams that might be able to sign him mostly have a solid shortstop in place or are unlikely to be attractive to Reyes, who I woudl expect wants to go to a perennial contender.

What do you think?

Chapter 90.2: Volunteer Spirit

In a couple weeks, our nation will recognize the tenth anniversary of one of the most horrifying attacks on its soil. I live not too far from New York City. These days, I work in Manhattan, a quick subway ride away from the area now known as Ground Zero. Ten years ago, it was just "the trade center" and it describes a larger area than most non-New Yorkers realize.

Those who know me well are aware that I'm an emergency medical technician (EMT) and have been for more than half my life. So, 9/11 hit me differently than it did for a lot of other Americans. I lost a friend that day and remain very thankful I didn't lose more. But this year will be a little different. Not only is it the tenth anniversary of that fateful day, but I'm also assigned to my squad duty that day. I don't expect anything tragic to happen to mark the day. But if it does, I have my training and experience to fall back on as well as the assistance of many able fellow volunteers.

You don't have to be an EMT to serve your community; it's my way, I don't expect it to be everyone's. But I hope that if you're able you'll find a way to volunteer your time, either on that day or on other days. Regardless of what your political positions might be, volunteering is mostly about helping to better your community or society. We're still months off from New Year's Resolutions, but maybe you can resolve to squeeze in a bit of volunteering into your life. You may find it's a wonderful way to improve not only your community but your perspective. Good luck. Stay safe.

Chapter 90: Hot Stuff

While I was jogging this morning, I passed an attractive young woman who was chatting with a neighbor of hers. She saw me and flashed me a thumbs up sign. I smiled, waved, and said good morning.

I don't think she was flirting with me. I think she was acknowledging that we both suffer from the same sickness. You see, she had exercise clothing on, too. For all I know, she might have just come back from a workout at the gym. Mind you, this is before 7 a.m. As Met first baseman Lucas Duda said about playing yesterday in 90-plus degree heat, "It's freaking hot out there!"

Of course, that's why I was out jogging before the rest of my household (other than the cats) was awake. It's freaking hot out there and getting hotter!

Why is it that joggers feel the need to get those miles in, mile after mile? Is it a madness derived from wanting to know how far we've gone? I mean, most joggers I know keep logs of either time run, miles run, or both. Or is it possibly because we have some undisclosed need to torment our bodies? No, I don't think so. If I did, I'd be like I was in high school and run in the middle of the day during days like this, running sans t-shirt in the hope that I might impress someone. To my knowledge, the only remarks I ever heard were about how stupid it is to run in such deadly weather.

I don't run as far or as long as I did just a few years ago. Kids'll do that to a guy. Probably to a woman, too. But I still long to put those miles down, to mark the steps taken. To know that, for at least a half hour or so, I pushed myself on this day, despite the obstacles.

Crazy. It's just too freaking hot out there.

Stay cool, everyone!

Chapter 89.8: Songs, Suicides, and Sitting Around

When I get the chance, I like to listen to music. For many years, I wrote music and lyrics, and I always feel like I can pretty much jump back into it at any moment even though I know my guitar muscles need to get back in shape. These days, most of the music I hear is sung by, to, or with a muppet, so I'm not sure I should attempt to write any music at the moment unless I'm ready to get heckled by two-year-olds.

But a song that still catches my attention is one that Dave Matthews came out with a couple years ago: Funny the Way It Is. In essence, it's about perspective. He describes children playing in the park on a beautiful sunny day; their cries of joy become mixed with the sound of a fire engine's siren and he reflects on how someone's home is burning down "on a day like this."

I especially love the lyric: Funny the way it is, not right or wrong/
Somebody's heart is broken, it becomes your favorite song.

I've written songs like that. The lyrics just ring so true.

Although I didn't hear the song this morning, it's one of the things that crossed my mind after hearing about my train being delayed this morning. Apparently in the early morning hours of the day soon ending, a person "trespassed" onto the tracks and was struck by a train. Hours later, trains were still delayed. I got into my office at least a half hour later than usual.

I suspect things were worse for the person who was killed by the train — worse still for that person's family. I wondered if it was drunken stupidity that led the person to the tracks before dawn or the prospect of yet another day of sadness that brought about that fatal decision. I don't know and never will.

On the train, a few people complained about the delay, the crowded conditions that resulted. But not many. Personally, I think folks in New Jersey understand that terrible things could happen to anyone and it's best not to dwell on them. Respect the moment, thank God you and your loved ones are ok, and move on to whatever is next.

Tonight, I'm thinking about that person whose life ended not twenty-four hours ago. I'm hoping the sun shines in blue skies, but I know that if it doesn't I'll be able to get through the day. And I pray that you're all well.

In the meantime: Sing. Sing a song...

Chapter 89.7: Nostalgia and Wandering

It's funny the things that can jog your memory. I was musing the other day about blogging and it occurred to me that this blog was coming up — indeed has passed — a milestone, a birthday. It was seven years ago that I started this blog. Seven years and two weeks now.

I was a different person way back in 2004. I wasn't yet a dad, though I very much wanted to be. I was barely making ends meet, which is the same as now, but I was still working in New Jersey and driving to work each day (remember when gas was less than $3 a gallon?) and supplementing my salary with a few umpiring gigs. They were fun but basically covered beer money for a week at best.

But one thing that has remained the same is writing. It is part of who I am and always has been, since the days I'd walk to kindergarten making up stories along the way.

I learned about this free blogging software and thought, why not? I didn't know about building a "platform" for myself as a writer. I'll admit I thought it might help me get noticed, but I knew then that it was difficult to be heard amid the maelstrom. It didn't bring in any money then and it doesn't now. (Note to self: disable google ads; they don't work for me.) But, like baseball, it's fun for me. I enjoy it and I'll do it for as long as I'm physically able.

So my blog is seven. Ta da! It still doesn't have a focus and I'm almost in need of a refill to my coffee cup. In just a few seconds I'll wander back down the hall to do just that. Along the way, I might spend a few seconds to think of what I could do in the next year of blogging here and at my other virtual rest stops. What will you blog about today?

Chapter 89.3: Baseball 2011

For those of you who aren't baseball fans, I'm sorry. You'll probably gain very little in your life from this post, and I permit you to leave. I hope you come back for the next post, which shouldn't be too long from now, and I'm pretty sure it won't be about baseball, since I've already begun writing it.

For the rest of you, this is what I'm thinking about when it comes to baseball 2011: Transition.

I think we're going to see a major power shift in the divisions. Let's start in the AL East.

AL East: The Boston Red Sox still have a great pitching staff, but even there the word of the day is transition. This staff isn't about Josh Beckett and it's certainly not about Diasuke Matsuzaka. The question is going to be whether the Cy Young Award goes to Jon Lester or Clay Buchholz. Combine this great staff with an improved lineup — which added Carl Crawford and Adrian Gonzalez — and the Sox should be a powerful team.

But now I see a major transition. My sleeper team is the Baltimore Orioles. They played excellent baseball after Buck Showalter arrived in late August. Sure, they had nothing to lose at that point, but they played like they actually wanted their jobs. It's hard to say they're improved enough to actually take the AL Wild Card, but they might be able to keep the Yankees from taking it. I see the Yankees having problems with their starting rotation. Let's face it, the back end of their rotation (Freddy Garcia and Ivan Nova) are a has-been and a not-yet. The front end will do fine, but in the mostly improved division, the Yankees bats will need to step up to overcome mediocre starting pitching. The bats are capable, even those that are aging, but this is a team on the decline. And if they fall behind, how long will it be before CC Sabathia's contract status (he can opt for free agency at the end of the season) becomes a distraction?

The Blue Jays have a lot of question marks in their rotation, too, and it'll be interesting to see if new manager John Farrell, the former Red Sox pitching coach, can help put this team on the same page. They have bats, they have arms, but I'm not sure they have enough of either. The Tampa Rays took a major back step. They've still got stars and will be asking them for more productivity, but I don't think they can compete this year.

My picks: Red Sox; Yankees; Orioles, Rays, Blue Jays

AL Central: Here's another area of transition, but this division has been rather flexible the past few years. The Twins still have a solid core, but injuries may have slowed down Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer. Can a pitching staff that relies heavily on Carl Pavano really continue to thrive? I think the White Sox have improved their lineup and have a strong enough rotation to at least give the Tigers and Twins a run for their money. I like the additions the Tigers have made in their lineup, and this team is still capable of amazing people. The Indians, not so much. Who pitches for this team? The Royals have some amazing talent, but there too it may be too green to flourish in this division.

My picks: White Sox, Twins, Tigers, Royals, Indians

AL West: The home of the AL Champion Rangers could be headed for a new leader, and it's not the team you'd expect. It may not be too thin a limb I'm going out on, but I think the A's have the arms to win what has been a remarkably successful division the past ten years despite having such terribly weak teams. The Rangers lost their ace when Cliff Lee departed, and I'm not just sure their revised rotation can handle it. There was a lot of talk of moving stud closer Neftali Feliz to the rotation and if this team starts off poorly, expect that talk to regain momentum. They may struggle to hold off the always tough Angels. But this team is far removed from its world championship in 2002. As for the Mariners, they have the reigning Cy Young Award winner Felix Hernandez and former MVP Ichiro Suzuki, but not a whole lot more. It's possible Eric Bedard might make a resurgence, but it seems more likely to me that the team will once again languish and come July we'll see them shopping Hernandez and maybe even Ichiro.

My picks: A's, Angels, Rangers, Mariners

Now to the National League.

The NL East. Only a fool would bet against a rotation that consists of Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels, (an aging but capable) Roy Oswalt, and Joe Blanton. Sure, things could go wrong, there's a lot of age and with age come injuries. But I think the Phillies will start off strong and the league will fall by the wayside. Fredi Gonzalez takes over a changing lineup in Atlanta, where I expect we'll see Chipper's final go-round the league. But this team won 91 games last year and could do so again. They'll have to fight off Gonzalez's former team from Miami. The Marlins keep winning 80-plus games, but I think this year they boost things up a notch. Their pitching staff has talent — not Phillies-level talent, but it'll be interesting to watch. My Mets are a mess, but if new manager Terry Collins can get them moving and keep the team's play in the papers rather than the ridiculous nightmare in their owners' offices, perhaps they can surprise some folks. I'm not holding my breath. The Nationals have made major improvements, but it still comes down to pitching, and they don't have a whole lot, with Stephen Strasburg recuperating.

My picks: Phillies, Braves, Marlins, Mets, Nationals

NL Central: This could get very interesting. In St. Louis we have a potential problem as the Albert Pujols contract watch will continue throughout the season. The Reds, last year's surprise, are losing pitchers by the day. The Cubs still have personality conflicts to resolve in the clubhouse. The Astros have little hitting and the Pirates have little of anything (though I think Clint Hurdle will find a way to make some magic happen.) Almost by default, I think the Brewers, which improved themselves by acquiring former Cy Young Award Zack Greinke, are ready to take control.

My picks: Brewers, Cardinals, Reds, Cubs, Pirates, Astros

NL West: The World Champion Giants look pretty much like the team that took it all last year, and that's ok, but when other teams improve, it's tough to keep winning when you're standing pat. The question, then, is how well have the Colorado Rockies improved? I think it's enough. They already have a surprisingly decent pitching staff and a powerful offense. But the Giants GM, Brian Sabean, has never been one to stand pat for too long. So I think it will be interesting to see how this division progresses throughout the season. It'll also be interesting to see how Don Mattingly fares as a manager. Usually, teams like to shift managerial styles when changing who heads the team, but Joe Torre retired, so the circumstances are a bit different. Still, the Dodgers were an underachieving team and I can't help but wonder if they need more of a fire-breather to get them going. The Padres, who fought the Giants to the wire last year, have fallen far and I wonder if Buddy Black will be packing his bags soon. And the Diamondbacks will need to show they can pitch.

My picks: Giants, Rockies, Dodgers, Padres, Diamondbacks.

Wild Cards: Rockies, Twins

Playoffs:
AL: Red Sox defeat Twins; A's defeat White Sox
NL: Phillies defeat Rockies; Giants defeat Brewers

ALCS: Red Sox defeat A's
NLCS: Phillies defeat Giants

World Series: Phillies in 6

Chapter 89: Ok, I'm Not Going Away After All

Stay tuned. I've decided not to let this blog get lost in my back pocket and crinkled up in the wash, after all. Coming soon: my picks for the 2011 baseball season. But first, some reader participation.

In the past couple days, I've added followers, despite my most recent post saying I'm going on hiatus. I can only imagine it's because readers have found The Elephant's Bookshelf interesting and wonder what else I might have to say. Since the previous post, I also took the plunge and bought a Website address, MWSinclair.com, which is still being developed but which will serve as my journalism and fiction-writing home, and I'll link to both blogs there.

For those who are relatively new, the Coffee Cup was designed to be undesigned. Slightly less vaguely, I created it to be a place where I might ruminate over my morning cup of coffee. In fact, check out this interview I did with Victoria Dixon who blogs at Ron Empress, to see what I intended for this blog and the Elephant's Bookshelf.

And feel free to suggest anything you'd like to see here or on the Bookshelf. I'm a full-time writer, after all, which means I have an opinion on things, and sometimes I even share them.

Welcome back!

Chapter 88: A Blog on Hold

I've decided that rather than feel guilty about not writing much of anything for this blog, I'll press pause. At some point, I'm sure the little icon/screensaver will start moving around, or something of that nature, but eventually I'll shake things around again and refill my coffee cup.

By no stretch of the imagination, however, am I giving up blogging. I'm not as active as I want to be at The Elephant's Bookshelf, but it's kinda where I live in terms of blogging these days. When I post comments on other blogs, that's the URL I type in. When I tell people about where I blog, that's the site I point them to. You can reach me there at elephantsbookshelf@gmail.com. And if you'd like to continue to read what I have to say about reading, writing, and writers, then I would love to see you there.

Indeed, come. Maybe we can chat over a cup of coffee.

Chapter 87: A New Leaf on Life

As you may have noticed, it's been a long time since I posted anything here. Life gets in the way. In fact, it has been so long that I'd forgotten about my little redesign. I'm still not used to it.

When last we spoke here, it was summer. Now, the air has gotten a bit chillier, Halloween decorations have begun to sprout on yards and houses, and a school year is in full gear as we sprint toward the holidays.

Me, I'm trying to catch up on my summer vacation, which evaded me. Until now. I'll be away for a week (not that my missives were regular enough that a week would make much difference.) But to be honest, my writing-related blog, the Elephant's Bookshelf, has been my primary blogging location lately (though I've not done much there either.) So if you'd like to read my little missives more often, feel free to follow me there. It's different: it's got a definite writing and reading focus. But that's a big part of who I am. Still, this was my first blog and I'm not abandoning it. Not in the near future, anyway.

So here is my leaf-season resolution: I will post at least once a month on this blog through the end of the year.

What's that? Oh, the llama... Yeah, well, lately I feel like I've been trying to stuff too much into my life, which is kinda why the blog has been back-burnered. But you know what? Life can be interesting even when crammed full of stuff. Hence, the llama.

Rediscovered Quote

I'm in the midst of cleaning a desk and found several old notebooks from conferences I covered as a reporter. Written on the inside cover was this quote. It's probably not mine, but I'll claim it if no one else will. It sounds like something I'd write.

If you stand around waiting for destiny, you will only meet fate.

It seems appropriate today, as we start a new month. I've had a sense of destiny lately. Some things are clicking, and the revisions of my "completed" manuscript are moving ahead nicely, though I've put the work-in-progress on hold for the summer. Of course, as we discussed in a previous post, we're always writing and I know of some significant changes I'll be making to that manuscript once I return, and I'm sure it'll be much improved.

So, welcome to August, friends and fellow writers. What are you working on?

Chapter 86: Thoughts on a Rainy Day

It's one of those days. You know the type. They start off with such promise: a cool breeze, a well deserved restful night, and soothing silence. Then things change. A stink arises, a hunger emerges, and out of nowhere come the rains. These things can be dealt with and handled. And they even lead to promising results. A diaper gets changed, babies and parents get fed, and thirsty lawns welcome the water.

Today I intend to reflect on the simple things. Like a neglected blog. Tune in again and I hope you will see newness grow. Happy day, y'all.

Chapter 85.5: New Look

I'm not the fickle type. I tend to look the same day in day out. No purple hair on Tuesdays and red on Friday. Just increasing specks of salt among the pepper.

But I've been growing bored with the look of this blog, so when Blogger offered a few new design, I dove into this one. It may change again soon. Let me know what you think. Like it? Does it suck? Do you want me to spring for a more professional looking blog?

Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment box below. I'll post them.

Chapter 85.4: Perfect Imperfection

A moment to write on this blog. Perfect.

You know what else was perfect? Armando Galarraga's performance against Cleveland the other night. By retiring 28 consecutive batters — including the call that umpire Jim Joyce screwed up — he accomplished something few others have done. But more important, I think, was the class with which he comported himself. He could have been furious. Instead, he spoke with graciousness and understanding. He's a credit to the game, the Tigers, and to his family.

As a baseball fan, I totally understand the desire to rectify the situation so that he could have received official credit for the perfect game. After all, he deserved it. But personally, I think there's no recourse. It was not a rule violation that caused the incorrect call; it was simple human frailty. A mistake. This was not akin to the Pine Tar game, when George Brett's home run against the Yankees was initially ruled an out because the pine tar on his bat extended beyond the allowable amount. In this case, the umpire made the wrong call — and he's a guy who usually makes the right call.

Jim Joyce will probably be remembered forever for this call, which is unfortunate. But I bet the next time something comes along in which he's making an instantaneous decision about something that affects a game in which Galarraga's playing, he'll do the same thing. I don't mean make a mistake, I mean call it the way he sees it. He knows what he's doing, and in this case, so does baseball.

Instead, Galarraga will go down in history as having almost pitched a perfect game. As Casey Stengel used to say about the oddities of baseball, "You can look it up."

Chapter 85.3: Monkeying Around

As noted in this recent bit of reportage in the New York Times, when Jane Goodall discovered chimpanzees making and using tools in order get food, humans were left having to rejustify their superiority: "Now we must redefine tool, redefine Man, or accept chimpanzees as human."

Well, obviously they're not human, but like many people I have known, they seem to have some pretty kinky ideas if left to their own devices. In this case, the device is a leaf — and it's not for hiding behind. Not at all.

Apparently, this leaf is sex toy nonpareil in the animal world. Horny male chimps use the leaf to make noise in order to draw a female chimp's attention to their erection. This apparently is chimpanzee for "subtlety." There's probably a YouChimp video of the simian equivalent of Justin Timberlake singing "Leaf in a Box."

I kinda wish I'd known about this leaf method years ago. Back in high school and college, there were many times when I sat idly in class or the library and spied an appealing female student for whom I'd have loved to tear a leaf or two or six. Such tactics probably couldn't have fared any worse than my usual approach (which back then typically included too many beers and ill-timed jokes.)

Be that as it may, I suppose it's good to know that we're not the only species on the planet that devises its own sex toys — or has to. I'm glad that there was an intelligent, possibly nerdy chimp who got laid primarily because he was literally inventive. Here's to you, Cheeta, I'll be your wingman any night.

Chapter 85.2: A Song in My Heart and Head (in Praise of Teachers)

I try not to write too much here about my kids, but lately their music has meandered through my brain a lot. Silly songs, educational songs, songs that should never be played to anyone over the age of three...

But as my girls graduated from the Baby Einstein videos to Sesame Street and Barney, I noticed something shocking: I knew some of these songs! Sure, there were standards like The People in Your Neighborhood and Rubber Ducky. But there was also one about lady bugs that I'd completely forgotten about.

I asked a co-worker what shows she remembered from her childhood. She was born to one of those families that didn't believe in television for many years, so she hadn't seen too much. But as she thought about it, she remembered seeing Barney. To this day, she said, she hums a song about cleaning up as she washes the dishes.

I've always had a thing for songs and song lyrics. I've entertained/pissed off people by singing the lyrics to a shortlived show from the late '70s called Hello Larry, which starred McLean Stevenson, after he left MASH. Long after I composed songs in my head as I walked to school as a kindergartner, I would find music offered me the first entree to a world of creativity.

It pains me to see the arts decimated in public education. I hate to hear about teachers losing their jobs or ridiculed by people who've never tried to teach that they get paid too much. Teaching children is perhaps the most important job in the world. Those that do it should be continually trained to do it better, and classrooms should be kept at relatively small sizes so that children receive the attention they need and deserve — which means that more teachers are necessary.

I know people will disagree with me. I've heard the arguments. Sometimes, those people make excellent points. But if it weren't for my parents and my teachers, I'd not have been able to succeed in the ways that I have.

Chapter 85.1: Initial Thoughts on the 2010 Baseball Season

As usual, my life has been a fast-paced, loony series of days that band together to call themselves weeks and months. They get larger and more unruly as I get older.

For example, not many years ago I'd have been incredibly excited about the beginning of baseball season. I'd watch spring training games on television, read up on the next Mickey Mantle or Willie Mays coming up through the ranks, and prepare for a fantasy baseball draft or two. These days, I grumble about how my fantasy draft got moved to the girls' bedtime and whine (to myself) about how I rarely get to see an inning of baseball, what with the Elmo and Barney DVDs that play almost nonstop on our TV these days.

I can't even prepare for my usual World Series predictions properly any more. I don't know who half the pitchers are in baseball these days, and without that, such forecasts are about as accurate as predicting the weather for August 22 while looking out on the darkened streets on an April evening.

So here goes — my abridged predictions for the 2010 baseball season.

Division leaders
NL East: Philadelphia Phillies.
I don't think my Mets will do any better than third place. Even that might be tough to achieve. The Phillies, Braves, and even the Marlins all appear to be more potent than my inconsistent favorite team.

NL Central: St. Louis Cardinals.
Strong pitching and weak competitors should make it look easy for the Redbirds.

NL West: Colorado Rockies.
Because the whole division sucks.

NL Wild Card. Atlanta Braves.

AL East: Yankees.
I hate them, but they're strong.

AL Central: Minnesota Twins.
They've kept Joe Mauer. If they can pitch well enough, they might be able to do some serious damage to other AL teams.

AL West: Los Angeles Angels.
I wanted to pick the Mariners, who've made some great acquisitions during the winter (and one terrible one by getting Milton Bradley). But even I have heard about the injuries that keep happening.

AL Wild Card: Boston Red Sox.

World Series: Phillies vs. Red Sox
The Red Sox will win in seven games in what will be a classic.

Ok, for all you non-baseball fans out there, I suspect you'll be able to keep following this blog because this could be the last baseball-related item I'll be able to write, seeing as how my Mets will embark on a seven-game losing streak by the beginning of May and I'll just lose heart.

Chapter 85: Thoughts During a Vacation Rain Storm

Earlier today, while measuring my ark cubit by cubit, I was thinking about spring. There are lots of aspects to the season. Baseball, as usual, is toward the top. Love also, though I don't know that spring really has cornered the market on that. I've enjoyed snuggling down on a cold winter's night, summer romances, and fall... No, love pretty much sucks in the fall.

Anyway, spring brings with it a bucket load of change. But like most change, you don't really feel it until after the change has occurred. A couple weeks ago, it still felt wintry enough, with snow and chill and stomping of feet. But the tell-tale signs of spring were there if you looked.

For example, the sun has been still visible when I get out of work. This practically never happens during the winter. But just last week, some friends and I walked in sunlight to a relatively nearby pub for our first-ever post-work, pre-season softball team pep rally (basically, an excuse to get together for a couple pints with people who we'll be spending time with over the next few spring and summer months).

And St. Patrick's Day is nearly upon us, which is another sure sign of spring. St. Patrick's Day is that special day when a bunch of people decide to insult everyone of Irish heritage by claiming that since they've had five pints of Guinness they're actually Irish, despite the vowels and collection of Ys and Zs at that end their names. No, that just means you're drunk. And that's fine; I don't hold that against anyone. Most of the time.

As someone of Irish descent — who learned how American I am by going to school in Ireland for a semester of college — I find spring and St. Patrick's Day to be kinda special. Like I said earlier, it's a time of transition. I used to be a summer person. But at this point in my life, I like a good mudslide, a mild rainstorm (not like this windy crap that's tormenting me now), and a nice week off to try to relax.

For what it's worth, a portion of my relaxation will take place on Tuesday, when a buddy of mine and I head over to the Diamond Bar in Brooklyn to enjoy a night of mayhem with Zane Lamprey (which must be a madeup name), author of Three Sheets: Drinking Made Easy. So if anyone in the neighborhood feels like enjoying a little spring break adult style, feel free to join me. I'll be the guy with the leather trench coat and all-season beard.

What does that have to do with change? Well, I don't usually go out now that I'm the father of a pair of beautiful ankle biters. Especially without the wife. So this is a sign that the world is in transition. More certain than the destruction of the planet in 2012, I will be enjoying a pint on Tuesday night. Maybe even two. Can spring be far behind?

Chapter 84.7: Olympics Fever

Lately, I've been extremely busy. Not just at work, but in my personal life, too. Important things have been back-burnered or tended to in dribs and drabs. I recently completed a piece that I'd only been able to write at random moments — not the way I like to write.

There have been some evenings after I've gotten one of the babies to sleep to find the other one not quite there yet, and I spend another 15-30 minutes trying to get her to sleep too.

And in the background, we've kept the Winter Olympics playing.

I've always enjoyed the winter games. There's something more accessible, more intimate than in the summer games. Indeed, now that there's no baseball in the summer games, I feel even more removed from them. I simply can't relate to men and women who can sprint faster than a stiff breeze. But I've skiied down a hill or two. I've sledded down hills. I've even fallen on my butt while trying to skate. The winter games seem more real to me.

After the tragic death of Georgian luger Nodar Kumaritashvili, I feared that something worse might happen and I thought I might avoid the entire games. But my wife tuned into the opening ceremonies, and we've had them running ever since.

I haven't regretted it. Too soon, the games will be over, and I'll be happy to welcome spring training and baseball. But for now, I am enjoying the games as they offer a small sense of greatness in an otherwise stressful winter.

I'm going for gold for the rest of 2010.